MINI REVIEW: Snake Hotel (2023)
I've had enough of this motherf**king snakes in my motherf**king hotel!
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You like snake movies, don’t you Dan? They were the famous last words of a very good friend of mine who will forever remain nameless.
Watch this British snake movie, he said.
Now I am all for watching junk movies. Sometimes you need to switch off the big budget stuff and get into the other end of the movie spectrum. And this end is very stinky. This end makes The Asylum and Chinese horror movies look like classics.
And you know what? I’m kind of OK with that!
There’s a charm with this movie…. well no, there isn’t. This movie is horrible, but the good thing is that it knows it horrible. Chrissie Wunna, who plays the hilarious titled character of Miss Fang, knows she is there for a good time and hams up her performance to 12. And then when you add that weird robot character, who seems to be based on a previous movie from this production house, and you’ve got a movie thats… well, strangely hypnotic yet ultimately annoying to watch.
And speaking of previous movies, even the plot of this one has been recycled from other films this crew has made.
PLOT
A rich woman named Miss Fang approaches a corrupt prison warden to buy 6 inmates off him for a game she likes to play. The game involves her sitting in a room and watching people run through her large hotel being hunted by her gigantic pet snakes.
The 6 inmates are all rather foul women who get called bitch and whore a lot by each other and other characters in the movie.
That’s about as in-depth as you need to go with this one.
ABOUT THE FILM
I really hope you like Scorsese-esque levels of strong language, because the f-word, and towards the end the c-word, are peppered throughout this film in abundance.
And honestly I am not too sure what else to say about this film. It’s clearly bad, there is no denying that. The acting is ridiculous, the characters are off-putting, the scenario has been done to death - even by the movie’s producer - and the effects.
Wow, the effects. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was all done in blender. Although there is a charming little outtake during the end credits that shows you the render of the effects and how they did it. Interesting? Perhaps.
Speaking of end credits, a lot of work has actually gone into them. I’d go so far as to say its the end credits that are the most impressive part of this film.
If you want to watch this film, well luck would have it that its streaming for free on YouTube (I’ll save you the click, I’ll embed it below). Like Janet Jackson once sang with Luther Vandross - “the best things in life are free!” They just didn’t bother explaining that ‘best things’ mean different things to different people!
What are my overall thoughts?
It’s awful, but thats the charm of the movie. I don’t really think I can recommend it though. If you want to watch a fun and silly snake movie and don’t mind reading subtitles, I’d actually recommend the Chinese film Rising Boas in a Girl’s School!
That movies rocks… this one barely rolls.
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Genre Creature Feature Horror
Director Charles Solly
Starring Kelly Rian Sanson, Natasha Tosini, Chrissie Wunna
Original Title Snake Hotel
Country of Origin UK/England
Release Date 22 September 2023
snake hotel british UK giant snake movie 2023 horror